My Mom's 13th

She was an incredible woman. She was an amazing daughter, a brilliant sister and a wonderful mother. And she unfortunately passed away 13 years ago today. She passed away around 7:30 in the morning. We were at the hospital. She was in the ICU but a room was made available for her and for us as well, just in case. She was diagnosed to have stage 4 breast cancer about a year ago, around 3 months after Dad's sudden and fatal stroke. She was already having lots of difficulties - her breathing, her pain, her diet... So we took her to the hospital. She stayed there for almost two weeks for observation. She was even in and out of the ICU. But then, she couldn't hold on any longer. It was too difficult for her to stay, even though she was one hell-of-a strong woman. She had to go. And go she went, leaving all of us devastated and unprepared... Devastated and unprepared for her loss...

Mind you, she was a responsible woman so she raised her kids to be responsible as well. She raised us to be prepared. But nothing in the whole world could ever make anybody prepared to lose his mom. Ever.

So, unprepared, we were then. And funnily enough, 13 years after, it still seems as if I am always unprepared to ever lose her. When I think of her loss, I feel my chest tighten, breathing becomes difficult and the world becomes chaos...

I guess that's how it is to have lost a person of substance... It will always leave a huge black hole in your life that would never seem to heal.

That's how I feel. That's how I've always felt ever since she passed. But of course, it doesn't necessarily mean that I stopped my life.

I have always wanted to make my mom proud. So, I have always done my best to do so. Even after she passed, I have tried. It wasn't an easy task without her but I tried.

And I hope, now that you're looking down on us from above, that somehow, I did make you proud. Cause that is the only gift I could ever give to you in exchange for being my wonderful mom, in exchange for how you raised me to be...

Despite the fact that I miss you every single day that passes by, I pray for your peace. I love you, Mom. I ALWAYS will.